I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
