i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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