My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
