I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
