he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
