I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
