I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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