I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
