I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
