i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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