Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
