but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
