I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
