my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
