If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
