Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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