You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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