Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
