she was so not down for the gang bang
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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