Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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