mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
