i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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