whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
