So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize