So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
