covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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