So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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