Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
