I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize