we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
