I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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