I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
