Pappa wants mamma naked
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize