Kiss
Puke
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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