I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize