it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
