drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
