Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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