I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
