i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
