Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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