Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
