break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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