God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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