After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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