Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
