Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
