I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
