The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
