I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
