Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
