Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
