i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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