Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
