There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
