Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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