you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
