dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize