he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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