Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
