Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
