Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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