i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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