Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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