we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
