so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
