I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
