Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
