my soul wont recognize me after tonight
no, he came in my armpit
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
