Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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