she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
