So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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