her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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