i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
