I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
