she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
