wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This house was built for laser tag.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
