We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
