i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
