there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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