I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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