Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
