thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
