You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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