I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
