Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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