You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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